Paul refers to Timothy as his dearly loved son. That is your role in the life of the men you are discipling. They need strong and loving leadership from you. Be as intentional with each man as if he would marry your daughter.
"For you may have countless instructors in Christ, but you don't have many fathers. For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel. Therefore I urge you to imitate me." (1 Corinthians 4:15-16)
The idea of spiritual fathering makes sense but can be very intimidating to put into action. Men don't have a problem taking the leadership role at work. Still, when it comes to being a spiritual authority, we quickly disqualify ourselves. You don't have to be older in age or even a father to be as intentional as a spiritual father. Even a young married guy seems old to someone in college.
Here are six things a son needs from his father, to illustrate what your group needs from you.
- Relationship matters. Relationship is the special sauce of discipleship. You can make a more significant impact through a relationship than through a position. When one of my daughters makes a mistake, I want them to say, "This is going to kill my dad," versus "My dad is going to kill me." Build it with time, by prioritizing your guys, by listening, and by encouraging them. Always be proud but never satisfied.
- Set the example. More is caught than taught. Be transparent, take them with you, invite them to your house on a typical night, and be yourself.
- Train and instruct. Paul instructs fathers in Ephesians 6:4 to bring children up "in the training and instruction of the Lord." You must instruct them on how to do it and then train them to do it. Too often the church gives instruction only, without hands-on training. Jesus did both.
- Accountability. A son needs discipline. As a grown man, he must be held accountable to discipline himself. A spiritual father uses his relationship and his influence wisely to help mold the disciple.
- Pray for them. The best thing you can do for your men is be on your knees, praying for them. Follow Paul's example in Colossians 1:9-12.
- Prepare them for the future. Psalm 127:4-5 describes sons as arrows in the hand of a warrior. Arrows weren't made to stay in the quiver and look good. They are meant to be launched with the purpose of making an impact on their target. When discipling your men, you need to have the end in mind.
Spiritual fathering was modeled for me when I was discipled. Dwayne was excellent in our meetings but was at his best outside the group. He would ask how I was doing in different areas of my life and encourage me. He invited Beth and me to his home for dinner with his family. He would call me early in the morning to make sure I was up to do my quiet time, because I told him I was struggling to get up early. I would answer the call, and he would ask, "Are your feet on the floor?"
