This is a difficult topic, because you want to help everybody, and that is not always possible.
When a man starts to fall behind, he has a tendency to want to quit. He quits on himself first. It is very important to address it, because it is contagious. When one guy stops doing the memory verses everybody agreed to, the other guys see that it gets overlooked and decide it is not as important as they thought. When one guy stops digging into Scripture and starts winging it, and he gets away with it, others will start doing it too. You can tell when a man is no longer going through the process and is just checking a box.
There is a big difference between unable and unwilling, and the two call for different responses.
The man who is unable. I had a guy in a group who was eager and doing great, and then he and his wife had a baby. They already had a big family, and his schedule was crushed during that season. There were many weeks he could not be there, or even get on a video call. But he was trying to keep up, and when he showed up, he had all his work done. He was easy to make an exception for. We stayed connected outside of the group, and the group kept reaching out and encouraging him while he was gone. By the end of the year he was an essential part of the group, close to everybody, and God was doing an amazing work in him.
The man who is unwilling. One year I had a deacon in my group. We all committed to memorize Scripture, and that was one of the reasons he joined. Week one, he showed up without it and had not really made an effort. We can overlook that. Let's try again next week. But he never made an effort. Eventually I pulled him aside and asked what was going on. He said, "I'm just not a Scripture memory guy." I said, "You made a commitment. Are you at least trying?" He said no, and that it was not something he was going to work at.
So I asked him to make a choice. I told him, "I want you in the group. These guys need you in the group. But they look up to you because of your position, and it says a lot if you are not going to put in the effort. I need you to lock in and start memorizing, or graciously bow out."
Since I started leading groups in 1997, I have only had to ask someone to leave about three times. When a man simply will not do the work, you have to, because it spreads.
The man who gets overwhelmed. This is the common one. In almost every group there is a guy who struggles, gets overwhelmed, goes on vacation, or has a work trip. He misses a couple of weeks, and now he feels like he can't catch up. There is always going to be that guy.
Help him reboot. If he hasn't read the book and isn't going to get the assignment done, but he is in it and wants to do it, I tell him, "Just come to the meeting. Don't worry about the assignment or the book. Be a part of the discussion." The guys would rather have him there than have him stay away because he is embarrassed or feels inadequate.
Don't make him catch up. I can't put him on a separate schedule, because I need him to stay connected with the group. But I can give him permission to let something go. He doesn't have to make it up. Start where you are right now. Start with today's reading and this week's assignment.
Look for effort. Scripture memory is where guys often get overwhelmed. I just want to see that they are making an effort. A man may butcher the verse every week, but if he is obviously trying, that is what I am looking for.
The group will almost always rally around him and encourage him to stick it out, and his signed covenant is a good reminder of what he committed to. The covenant keeps a lot of people from giving up.
When the whole group falls behind. Sometimes it is heavy for all of them. So you slow down and adjust the schedule. We are not a slave to the schedule. Intentional Discipleship is focused on the disciple, not the process and not the content. If the group needs a different topic, we change one out. If we need to stop and linger for a couple of weeks in a certain area, we do that. It is all about the disciple.
Don't chase. I will push from time to time, but following is an active choice. If a guy misses a meeting, it is his responsibility to reach out to me to find out what he missed. Make this clear on the front end. If you find yourself constantly needing to motivate someone, it may be time for a difficult conversation.
