These are in no particular order. Some are common sense and others took years to learn, but all are valuable reminders for mentors.
- Don't chase them. When it comes to evangelism, we chase them with everything we have. Discipleship is different. They need to provide the energy and the motivation. I will not beg or pull guys along. I will push from time to time, but following is an active choice. If a guy misses a meeting, it is his responsibility to reach out to me to find out what he missed. Make this clear on the front end. If you find yourself constantly needing to motivate someone, it may be time for a difficult conversation.
- Don't let them add discipleship on top. Every year I see men who have never read the Bible or memorized Scripture get stressed out during the process. They think they can add all the spiritual disciplines on top of an existing life that is already at max capacity. Something will have to give. Help them prioritize their life and build in some margin. It is in the margin of our lives that the good stuff happens.
- Be flexible. I am a big fan of plans, but my favorite word is "flex-adaptability." Listen to the Holy Spirit and be willing to change directions as He leads. Every year I start with a plan, and every year I make an adjustment along the way.
- You don't know everything. Don't be afraid of saying "I don't know." One of the best things I have heard my pastor say was "I don't know." It was then that I started to connect with him. If you have all the answers, your guys will never feel qualified to lead until they know everything. Don't fake it or guess at the answer.
- Be yourself. Even within a particular process there is freedom to use your gifts and talents. Don't try to be like someone else. If you looked at three successful groups in our ministry, you would see that they all have a different feel because each leader is wired differently. Embrace it.
- There is more than one way. There is no magical formula or curriculum. Look for solid biblical principles and apply them to your process. There are several successful models. Find one that works for you and go for it.
- One step at a time. Don't show them everything up front. It is the same way that Christ leads us. If we knew everything we would be asked to do, it would scare us off.
- Stretch them to grow them. Challenge them to a very high standard. If they aim for the stars and fall short, they will still be operating at a level higher than they ever dreamed of. When I teach on prayer, I ask my guys to block off a day and spend four hours in prayer. The guy who normally gave God 10 minutes every morning now needs at least 30 minutes after he has been stretched.
- Give more than you receive. This doesn't mean you are supposed to talk the most. This is modeling Mark 10:45. You will be blessed through this process, but remember that you are here for them.
- My mistakes make me a better leader. Don't let past failures hold you back. Use them to help others. I like to joke that my spiritual gift is making mistakes so others don't have to. You are doing an injustice to your group if you withhold this. How can they learn from your mistakes if you don't share them?
- Keep the group closed. Once we launch the group, we don't add any members. Adding new people along the way messes with chemistry and accountability. Even if someone leaves during the year, we keep the group the same.
- Make sure his wife is on board. If he is married, his wife needs to support what you are asking him to do. Most wives will be ecstatic about their husband spending more time in the Word. Be sensitive to this.
- Different ages, different challenges. You can't lead young guys the same way as older guys. Young guys don't know what they don't know, and older guys are set in their ways. Meet them where they are in order to lead them where they need to be.
- Critical crossroads create powerful opportunities. Marriage, a first child, an empty nest, a crisis: these are the times a man is more open to instruction and guidance. When my wife told me we were expecting our first child, I was ecstatic and scared to death, because I didn't know how to be a father. Look for opportunities like this to speak into a man's life.
- Lead generationally. Your ministry doesn't stop at the end of the year. It is just beginning. In year two, your guys will be leading groups of their own, and they will need your support. In year three, they will be leading men who are leading groups, and they will need your wisdom. It is then that you will begin to understand why Paul called Timothy "my son."
