Intentional Discipleship · Month 4

Ways Men Offend Our Wives

For wives: select five to 10 ways your husband personally offends you, to discuss on your date night.

1.Ignoring her
2.Not valuing her opinions
3.Showing more attention to other people than her
4.Not listening to her or not understanding what she feels is important
5.Closing her out by not talking or listening to her (the silent treatment)
6.Being easily distracted when she’s trying to talk
7.Not scheduling special time to be with her
8.Not being open to talk about things that you do not understand
9.Not being open to talk about things that she does not understand
10.Not giving her a chance to voice her opinion on decisions that affect the whole family
11.Disciplining her by being angry or silent
12.Making jokes about areas of her life
13.Making sarcastic statements about her
14.Insulting her in front of others
15.Coming back with quick retorts
16.Giving harsh admonitions
17.Using careless words before you think through how they will affect her
18.Nagging her in harshness
19.Rebuking her before giving her a chance to explain a situation
20.Raising your voice at her
21.Making critical comments with no logical basis
22.Swearing or using foul language in her presence
23.Correcting her in public
24.Being tactless when pointing out her weaknesses or blind spots
25.Reminding her angrily that you warned her not to do something
26.Having disgusted or judgmental attitudes
27.Pressuring her when she is already feeling low or offended
28.Lecturing her when she needs to be comforted, encouraged, or treated gently
29.Breaking promises without any explanation or without being asked to be released from the promise
30.Telling her how wonderful other women are and comparing her to other women
31.Holding resentment about something she did and tried to make right
32.Being disrespectful to her family and relatives
33.Coercing her into an argument
34.Correcting or punishing her in anger for something for which she’s not guilty
35.Not praising her for something she did well, even if she did it for you
36.Treating her like a little child
37.Being rude to her or to other people in public, like restaurant personnel or clerks
38.Being unaware of her needs
39.Being ungrateful
40.Not trusting her
41.Not approving of what she does or how she does it
42.Not being interested in her own personal growth
43.Being inconsistent or having double standards (doing things you won’t allow her to do)
44.Not giving her advice when she really needs it and asks for it
45.Not telling her that you love her
46.Having prideful and arrogant attitudes in general
47.Not giving daily encouragement
48.Failing to include her in a conversation when you are with other people
49.Failing to spend quantity or quality time with her when you’re at a party
50.“Talking her down” – continuing to discuss or argue a point just to prove you’re right
51.Ignoring her around the house as if she weren’t a member of the family
52.Not taking time to listen to what she believes is important as soon as you come home from work
53.Ignoring her at social gatherings
54.Not attending church as a family
55.Failure to express honestly what you think her innermost feelings are
56.Showing more excitement for work and other activities than for her
57.Being impolite at mealtime
58.Having sloppy manners around the house and in front of others
59.Not inviting her out on special romantic dates from time to time (just the two of you)
60.Not helping her with the children just before mealtimes or during times of extra stress
61.Not volunteering to help her with the dishes occasionally or with cleaning the house
62.Making her feel stupid when she shares an idea about your work or decisions that need to be made
63.Making her feel unworthy for desiring certain furniture or insurance or other material needs for herself and the family
64.Not being consistent with the children; not taking an interest in playing with them and spending quality and quantity time with them
65.Not showing public affection for her, like holding her hand or putting your arm around her (you seem to be embarrassed to be with her)
66.Not sharing your life with her, like your ideas or your feelings (e.g. what’s going on at work)
67.Not being the spiritual leader of the home
68.Demanding that she submit to you
69.Demanding that she be involved with you sexually when you are not in harmony
70.Being unwilling to admit you were wrong
71.Resisting whenever she shares one of your “blind spots”
72.Being too busy with work and activities
73.Not showing compassion and understanding for her and the children when there is real need
74.Not planning for the future, making her very insecure
75.Being stingy with money, making her feel like she’s being paid a salary and not much at all
76.Wanting to do things that embarrass her sexually
77.Reading sexual magazines in front of her or the children
78.Forcing her to make many of the decisions regarding the checkbook and bills
79.Forcing her to handle bill collectors and overdue bills
80.Not letting her lean on your gentleness and strength from time to time
81.Not allowing her to fail – always feeling like you have to lecture her
82.Refusing to let her be a woman
83.Criticizing her womanly characteristics or sensitivity as being weak
84.Spending too much money and getting the family too far into debt
85.Not having a sense of humor and not joking about things together
86.Not telling her how important she is to you
87.Not sending her special love letters from time to time
88.Forgetting special dates like anniversaries and birthdays
89.Not defending her when somebody else is complaining or tearing her down (especially if it is one of your relatives or friends)
90.Not putting your arm around her and hugging her when she’s in need of comfort
91.Not bragging to other people about her
92.Being dishonest
93.Discouraging her for trying to better herself, either through education or physical fitness
94.Continuing distasteful or harmful habits, like coming home drunk
95.Not treating her as if “handle with care” were stamped on her forehead
96.Ignoring her relatives and the people who are important to her
97.Taking her for granted, assuming that “a woman’s work is never done” around the house
98.Not including her in future plans until the last minute
99.Never doing little unexpected things for her
100.Not treating her like an intellectual equal
101.Looking at her as a weaker individual in general
102.Being preoccupied with your own goals and needs, making her feel like she and the children do not count
103.Threatening never to let her do something again because she made some mistake in the past
104.Criticizing her behind her back (this is really painful for her if she hears about your criticism from someone else)
105.Blaming her for things in your relationship that are clearly your failure
106.Not being aware of her physical limitations, treating her like a man by roughhousing with her or making her carry heavy objects
107.Losing patience or getting angry with her when she can’t keep up with your schedule of physical stamina
108.Acting like you’re a martyr if you go along with her opinions
109.Sulking when she challenges your comments
110.Joining too many organizations which exclude her and the children
111.Failing to repair items around the house
112.Watching too much TV and therefore neglecting her and the children
113.Demanding that she sit and listen to your point of view when she needs to be taking care of the children’s needs
114.Insisting on lecturing her in order to convey what you believe are important points
115.Humiliating her with words and actions, saying things like “I can’t stand living in a pigpen”
116.Not taking the time to prepare her to enjoy sexual intimacy
117.Spending money extravagantly without helping those less fortunate
118.Avoiding family activities that the children enjoy
119.Taking vacations that are primarily for your pleasure, like fishing or hunting, while preventing her from shopping and doing the things she enjoys doing
120.Not letting her get away from the children just to be with friends, go shopping for special items, or have a weekend away with her friends
121.Being unwilling to join her in the things she enjoys like shopping, going out for coffee and dessert at a restaurant, etc
122.Not understanding the boring chores a housewife does: like picking up clothes and toys all day long, wiping running noses, putting on and taking off muddy boots and jackets, washing and ironing, etc.